Ranting. Feel free to ignore it.

Okay, so I kinda wanna get this all said on here where people can ignore it as opposed to ending up snapping and killing someone (sadly, not an exaggeration. I've come very close, and it gets closer every time.)
I recommend ignoring it, since it's mostly me bitching about life in general.
Nobody really wants to hear someone bitching about life.
'Nuff said.

Anyway.
Just kinda feeling trapped at the moment.
Frustrated cuz I'm doing bad in school, I can't actually afford food, the only reason I can get on the computer is cuz I'm taking out like $15000 in loans (so far), internet's free, and my mom gave me her old computer.
Yeah, I know the doing bad in school thing is my fault.
That doesn't mean I can't feel frustrated that I'm taking out $15000 in loans and still can't manage to get enough motivation to do my homework.
I also feel like I'm kinda trapped in a persona I thought I'd escaped by moving 500 miles away.
I was wrong.
Friends from my old home came here too...
I guess I shoulda seen that coming
Hell, I enjoy having them around
Still
they still see me as the perverted, conceited fuckbag i once was
I had actually managed to change
but now
my old friends'll be hanging out with me
and someone'll say something about oh i'm a nice guy
or something to that effect
and my friends'll instinctively laugh
cuz i really was a major dick before
so now i've gotten back the image i was trying to get rid of
of being a complete asshole
and because i hate to see people be wrong (just one personality quirk of mine)
i'm actually starting to act like a dick again
and it kinda hurts seeing myself lose myself again
if that sentence made any sense
Also, i can't pay for anything because i don't have a job
i don't have a job because
like i said before
i don't have any motivation to do anything
never have
really frustrating
especially since i've tried countless things
trying to get motivation
but nothing ever seems to work
well, i guess that's not true
one thing did
but that kinda fell in
and it's never really gunna work again
so yeah
nothing seems to work and keep working i guess i should say
tis also why i'm doing horrible
and will probably lose a couple scholarships
which'll probably kick that up to $15000 a year instead of $15000 so far
ain't that happy joyness
doesn't really help that my computer is dying
and my electric guitar broke the other day (random info)
to a degree
that it would cost more to fix it
than it would cost to get a new one
sad thing is
it was the most expensive thing i owned
so now i'm having to borrow my dad's guitar
until i can save up like $500 for a new guitar
that's likely to break relatively soon anyway
which brings up another thing
i'm having to rely on my parents for everything it seems
which really sucks
since we actually don't get along at all
never have
so it makes things...
interesting
at best
so religion is the only thing that ever really kills the feeling of being trapped
even though not for very long at a time
and yet
i never actually manage to wake up before church ends
so religion is pretty much out of my life
makes things quite a bit more difficult
also
people always seem to point out that i don't wear clean clothes very often
when truth is
like i said
i don't have any money
and have no source of income
so i have no laundry money
so all my clothes are constantly dirty
and there's not a damn thing i can do about it
did manage to get my clothes washed a few days ago
so that makes things a little better
still irritating knowing that in 2 weeks
i'ma have no clothes again
right when my parents come up for christmas

anywayz yeah
i'ma stop bitching
otherwise this'll get way way way way way too long
if you actually read all of this
i appreciate you caring
but sorry for making you listen to be bitch for [insert amount of time it took for you to read it]

iTom wrote:

I'm not kidding you and just keep closer to the friends that accept you for who you are.

kinda hard when they're so rare :/

O.o my gawsh i need an avi

rare that they accept me for who i am.
at any rate, i need mah sleeplesauces, and it's almost 5am o3o
and i have a final exam tomaro o3o
as well as a study session for another one o3o
g'night :3

Thanks n.n

[quote="Funnnnn"]

Lovable wrote:

): TREVOR! I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON.
& Just ignore your old friends, be yourself! Maybe you can just explain that you don't want to be a dick anymore & that if they can't accept you for who you are then you'll just have to get new friends. Seriously, never ever change for anyone!

& I NEVER thought you were a dick! It never even came close. I thought of you as a very nice person. Funny too.

Do you not live in dorms? Why do you have trouble getting your laundry done? D:

& I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I have no job either. But I'm working on that! (: I apply & stuff, but my parents don't trust me enough to let me drive so it's KINDA difficult. Still trying though.. Sigh. BUT YEAH. I don't get along very well with my parents either. I'm generally a very happy person, but my parents used to make me cry A LOT. It sucked. SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR PARENTS.

& it's PERFECTLY OKAY TO RANT. I rant all the time, ahaha. People can be very annoying sometimes. Like the copycats, braggers, brats, liars, stalkers, YOU KNOW?! So I just rant rant rant, and hope I never see them again o__o; If you ever need to talk! Just mesage me on MSN or AIM or something! (:

I really hope you feel better! ):

it's not so much they can't accept me changing as it is they don't believe i have/can ._.

when you met me, i'd already moved and spent some time working on the way i acted.
they just moved here within the past 6 months
hell, it's mostly one guy o3o
and he happens to be my roommate ._.

i do live in dorms. and we pay for our own laundry. and i don't have money, so my laundry doesn't get done.
money issues still.

sounds alot like my parents, except they trust me to drive. they just wouldn't let me get my license while i was living with them for insurance reasons. i actually still don't have it. probably gunna get it within the next few months though

thanks :]


THEN TELL THEM YOU CAN. Be like "I was doing perfectly fine being less of a jerk until you showed up >:O & if you can't accept me for who I really am, then I'm sorry you should get a new friend. & I suggest you get your act together too. Kthx" Hahah. I don't know how your friend is, so I'm not sure this is the way to handle it. I hope you find a solution to this. (:

& shouldn't dorms have a laundry room? It's kinda paid for when you pay for your dorm D: Maybe it's just University of Cali? Our dorm cost is like 12,000$ per year and then there's tuition and book costs. Totaling to around 27,000$ o__o;

I wish you lots of luck in getting a job! (:
You can do it! Goooo Trevor :3

[quote="Lovable"]

Funnnnn wrote:

Lovable wrote:

): TREVOR! I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON.
& Just ignore your old friends, be yourself! Maybe you can just explain that you don't want to be a dick anymore & that if they can't accept you for who you are then you'll just have to get new friends. Seriously, never ever change for anyone!

& I NEVER thought you were a dick! It never even came close. I thought of you as a very nice person. Funny too.

Do you not live in dorms? Why do you have trouble getting your laundry done? D:

& I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I have no job either. But I'm working on that! (: I apply & stuff, but my parents don't trust me enough to let me drive so it's KINDA difficult. Still trying though.. Sigh. BUT YEAH. I don't get along very well with my parents either. I'm generally a very happy person, but my parents used to make me cry A LOT. It sucked. SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR PARENTS.

& it's PERFECTLY OKAY TO RANT. I rant all the time, ahaha. People can be very annoying sometimes. Like the copycats, braggers, brats, liars, stalkers, YOU KNOW?! So I just rant rant rant, and hope I never see them again o__o; If you ever need to talk! Just mesage me on MSN or AIM or something! (:

I really hope you feel better! ):

it's not so much they can't accept me changing as it is they don't believe i have/can ._.

when you met me, i'd already moved and spent some time working on the way i acted.
they just moved here within the past 6 months
hell, it's mostly one guy o3o
and he happens to be my roommate ._.

i do live in dorms. and we pay for our own laundry. and i don't have money, so my laundry doesn't get done.
money issues still.

sounds alot like my parents, except they trust me to drive. they just wouldn't let me get my license while i was living with them for insurance reasons. i actually still don't have it. probably gunna get it within the next few months though

thanks :]


THEN TELL THEM YOU CAN. Be like "I was doing perfectly fine being less of a jerk until you showed up >:O & if you can't accept me for who I really am, then I'm sorry you should get a new friend. & I suggest you get your act together too. Kthx" Hahah. I don't know how your friend is, so I'm not sure this is the way to handle it. I hope you find a solution to this. (:

& shouldn't dorms have a laundry room? It's kinda paid for when you pay for your dorm D: Maybe it's just University of Cali? Our dorm cost is like 12,000$ per year and then there's tuition and book costs. Totaling to around 27,000$ o__o;

I wish you lots of luck in getting a job! (:
You can do it! Goooo Trevor :3

yeah that wouldn't go well at all xD

the dorm does have a laundry room. and it costs money to use the washers/dryers o3o
our dorm + cafeteria only costs about $7000 a year. tuition and books seem to be the same as yours though O3o cuz our total comes out to around $22,500 O3o

thanks n.n
i actually applied somewhere, i'm just hoping to hear back

thats true and well when you do some poeple are just too cool to be with you that happens alot

Dragolfy wrote:

OK... there are some things I can relate to and some things I can't.
Well, I'm starting to come out of the closet at school. So far my friends are accepting me.... well I wouldn't call them friends, more like classmates.
I never really had true friends... but I have felt the pain of rejection in more ways than one and many times over. I don't want to rant on here, this is yours, Trevor. Online I'm the goofy smiling gay dude. But in real life... I'm the quiet creepy character in the corner of the classroom, afraid to talk to anyone. Damn it! Sorry! Ok back to you...
*hugs* Hope some luck comes your way... I can tell you need more than just a friend right now... you need a new family or a true love to keep you more positive. I wish you the most of best of luck to you!

*hugs everyone else* I HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAS BETTER LUCK TOO! I KNOW EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN OBSTACLES, SO I WISH YOU ALL LUCK AS WELL!

Nah, I'm done ranting xD
I just need to let out a rant every few months to keep myself sane
At this point, feel free to just use this as a ranting thread :3

wanna kno how i got motivation in stuff? =D
me dad yelling at me for 2 hours
FINALLY woke me up :3

get someone to yell at ya?
:3 works for me -3-
cuz he told me how much he worried about me
which is something i really dont want~

another thing u can try
go to some where ~
and scream ur head off til u get hoarse
-3-

*worried about yoh D:*

be happy trevor D;